“Culling the thoughts that occur when you’re standing around waiting for something to happen”
In February, we received the disheartening news that Frisbee inventor Walter Frederick Morrison had flung his final disc, passing away at the age of 90.
Now more bad news has rattled the world of novelty outdoor fun.
George P. Nissen took a figurative jump toward the heavens on April 7 and never returned to Earth. The creator of the modern-day trampoline was 93. Nissen's invention transformed sports as we know it, from flying mascots at halftime shows to the Olympics - where it's a summer event. That's more than baseball can boast.
In death, Nissen and Morrison join what's got to be a rocking outdoor barbeque in the sky.
Preceding them in the afterlife was George Hansburg. The inventor of the pogo stick was 87 when he died in 1975.
Also up there is David N. Mullany, who was 81 when he passed away in 1990, but not before introducing the Wiffleball to backyards across the world.
One thing these men had in common - besides keeping generations of kids flustered when these inventions got stuck in trees - was their advanced age. That can't be a coincidence, rather a testament to staying active, regardless of the ridiculousness of how you do it.
If that theory is true, then Reyn Guyer, 75, has some time left to play outside before God calls him in for supper.
Guyer, a Hasbro toy hall of fame inductee, invented the Nerf football and the awkward living room-classic 'Twister. Here's hoping he can still contort his body.
When you hear the names Kerri Strug and Robert Fischer mentioned in the same breath with the word 'wedding' and 'nuptials,' the first thought is: 'wow, their kids will be some kind of super cerebral athletes.
And while that certainly might be the case one day, it won't be due to the marriage of gymnastics' and chess' most recognizable icons respectively - especially considering that bishop-brainiac Bobby Fischer died two years ago.
The Tuscon-born Strug, a 1996 Olympic gold medalist, married Robert Fischer III on Sunday at Skyline Country Club.
Fischer is a lawyer for Lamar Smith - the Republican Texas congressman and not the former Carolina Panters' running back, whom once held the record for most carries (40 for 209 yards) in an NFL postseason game. The football playing Smith could have also used Fischer's services, having wracked up two costly DUI arrests during his career.
It's been a bad month for those with long and cumbersome names.
A week after the eruption of Icelandic volcano Eyjafjallajokull snarled international travel, several other big names (literally) made dubious headlines stateside.
Chris Jakubauskus' debut with the Pittsburgh Pirates was a painful and forgettable one. The right-hander took a Lance Berkman line drive to the forehead in the first inning of Saturday's game against the Houston Astros and landed on the disabled list with a concussion and a face contusion.
The bad news continued to pile up this week for those whose names have consonants where vowels should be and vice-versa.
On Sunday, a swollen leg forced Kentucky Derby favorite Eskendereya from racing in the 136th installment of the fastest two-minutes in all of sports. So much for being healthy as a horse.
April was a tough month for those with elongated names - unlike March, which saw former Wildcat tight-end Brandon Manumaleuna sign a five-year contract with the Chicago Bears.
Speaking of Texas politicos and wounded animals (insert you own pun here), Eskendereya should consider himself lucky that he's only got a swollen leg.
Texas Governor Rick Perry admitted this week to shooting and killing a devious coyote that was eyeing him and his dog up on a morning jog.
According to the Associated Press: the governor was not required to file a report for discharging a weapon, said Department of Public Safety spokeswoman Tela Mange.
There's no word, yet, but we have to assume that Mange got the approval to talk to the press from her boss Sally Scabies.
And then, of course, in the Sunshine State...a Punta Gorda, Fla., man has published a book about his torrid, nine-month love affair with a dolphin.
The most shocking revelation to come from this tragically named book "Wet Goddess: Recollections of a Dolphin Lover" is that bestiality is legal in Florida.
I could make this stuff up, but it wouldn't be as funny...trust me, I've tried.
Back to expired desert dogs, "Still In Progress At Press Time..." would like to extend an apology to the fans of the Phoenix Coyotes.
On Monday, we published a story about hockey superstitions with the focus on diehard Coyotes' fan Kyle Canfield. The Tucsonan was growing his playoff beard in the name of the charity Beard-A-Thon.com. A day later, the Detroit Red Wings ended the Coyotes' season and surely sent Canfield scrambling for a Schick.
Canfield raised $10 since we published his plight, upping his total earned toward various youth charities to $170. Way to go, Kyle. Sorry if we jinxed your boys.
The same first-round jinx befell Steve Penny and the New Jersey Devils, whom "Still In Progress..." also endorsed.
It's not too late to donate to their causes. Visit Beard-A-Thon.